Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
