end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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