Just mADE A PArabola og urine
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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