It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
