i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
