New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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