dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize