just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
