I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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