you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
