So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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