you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
