she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
