i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
