i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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