smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
