her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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