I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We had to coat check the pizza.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
