I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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