Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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