note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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