There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
