I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
