i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
