it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize