It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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