'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
