so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
