My Higher Power is John Stamos
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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