It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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