Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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