Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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