Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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