What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
In America we eat man semen.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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