How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
