i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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