my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
