I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
