Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my poor anus
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
