How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
