She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
