o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
