all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
