I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
