I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
