So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
