just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
