we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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