Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
