i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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