Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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